Oh the games people play...

Well, my thirteen-year-old daughter, got in trouble today. A guy she kind of liked, but with a bit of a reputation as a smooth operator, kept on flirting with her at lunch today in front of all her friends. She took her french fries and dumped them on his head.
The guidance counselor called and seemed mildly amused by all of this. So she didn't get into too much trouble, just a lecture at school, and she had to write how she should have handled it better...

Then we had a conversation at home, about deflecting or defusing uncomfortable situations, how there are verbal rituals people go through to settle such things. Oh the games people play...

It got me thinking about school in general, and the roles people assume, sometimes almost automatically in Kindergarten. These roles obviously have much to do with personality, birth order, and parenting style in the home . The more interesting thought, is the random luck of the draw, when these children are thrown together into a classroom and they seem to instinctively take on mantles.
(Which in itself should tip off those with socialist leanings just how unrealistic it is to assume everybody would ever be content to being treated exactly the same way.)

First mentioned, are the super children, who narrow their eyes to show displeasure The ones who are so sure they are singled out to be perfect and 'shining examples' of a boy or girl, and should be given their due respect. Often, they are tyrannical, even to their own parents, definitely to nannies or caregivers.
Their efforts to make sure they are not crossed are often subtle, after all, most schools 'no tolerance bullying policies' get in the way of creating martial law. So it is usually battery-acid comments, cloaked as humorous observations.

Then there are those who obediently plead allegiance to the super children, and thus gain some protection from the said 'shining examples'. They wear the same type of clothes, listen to the same music, and develop the narrowed eye expression as quickly as possible. They are required to agree with all their muse says or does, with eyes shining with adoration.

Then there are those, indifferent to it all, because they are busy with their own pursuits. If they are interesting or musical though, they may be loudly admired even by the 'shining examples', because actual talent is a real threat so should be kept close.

There are those who are different, and are teased and held up as being, non perfect. Those awkward or spotty or shy children are there to act as comparisons to 'shining examples' of what you shouldn't do. They may try to fit in, but don't quite fit the mold.
They are tormented to point out what can happen to you if you are not allied yourself with said 'shining examples' lest you default into undesirable mode.

'Shining examples', often need to always look good in front of teachers, so often they can be known as 'Goody Goodies'.

Then there are those which are totally non predictable, and have to be watched with caution by the 'shining examples' and their minions. These children, mostly refuse to ally themselves anywhere, just because it limits ones options of friends. Often nobody minds, but it can be regarded as 'unpatriotic' by the ruling social establishment. So being a free agent has its risks.

That would be me. If you ask me, the 'in crowd' was always overrated, just because you can't be yourself, ever.. not even the leaders, they know how tenuous their followers connection to them truly is.
I mean, how many times, did you have a classmate who would play with you, as long as the 'shining example' was nowhere to be seen?

Another terribly distasteful 'in crowd' reality, is the need to always have a finger on the pulse of gossip and rumors. In order to retain their superior status, all social changes need to be known and measured and disseminated to their best advantage.

Personally, I do not much like gossip. It is very much like a car accident, where people create traffic by slowing down in the hope of seeing the injured or even dead.

Then they discuss it like ghouls, saying how awful it was and wring their hands, while making sure to tell as many people as possible that they were there and saw everything.

The problem is, when such gossip and drama is required for conversation and effect, there will be the inevitable (and I consider it wonderfully peaceful) downtime in life. Then dramatics need to be stirred up for some excitement, creating sheer unhappiness for those chosen to be the designated drama du jour.

I would much rather discuss ideas and thoughts and have debates on current topics which affect our lives and the lives of others.
I would much rather gain insights into people I love and truly respect, discovering in layers how unique and wonderful they truly are.
I would much rather dream and create with a brush colored with notions, meanings, and perceptions of my world.

I think middle school might be the culmination of these social roles. In high school, they exist, but there is already a dawning awareness, that life is not all about these perfect children, athletes, or cheerleaders. A perfect child might be struck by terrible acne or just a dose of reality, and a jock might realize he isn't really as good as he should be at football, and he better do some homework.
Regular children often find they can accept themselves as they are, and they find a place. The former roles, are never entirely lost though. If you ask somebody who they were in school, they may not tell you, but you can see them shudder at the thought.

Middle school, might be a minefield of social navigation, and this just makes me so much more appreciative of those who are genuine, loyal, comrades, soul mates, sidekicks, friends and family.
How lucky we are, for all the genuine love we are being given in our lives.
Often, we can start to overlook what is there all the time, sitting right next to us, the noisy morning routines with children, the chaos of the evenings, the quiet of the nights, the simple moments. Parents, children, lovers, friends, family.... the threads that make up the comfortable jeans of our life. when we see something enough, we can stop seeing it entirely, but like having a thread pulled from fabric, if they somehow are lost, we are likely to be left with a gaping hole in our favorite pants...and our lives....

So hug them.

Love doesn't sit there like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all of the time, made new. ~Ursula K. LeGuin