Warm blue seems a contradiction of terms, but not when you talk about My Fathers eyes. I feel him near these days, wise and rooted to all of creation, like a great oak tree, boughs reaching to the heavens.
Nothing seems as daunting when I can feel my soul being hugged and held by another soul. The awareness that love endures after life has been extinguished, was not so much a realization, but recognition of what my spirit had always known, we are all our pasts and all our futures. The body is just an empty sock after all, and our 'mastery' of this life is everything and nothing in the grand scheme of things, but love is abiding.
Mothers are given an estimated due date before their babies are born, but we never really know when our book of this life will close. All we know is what our odds are, and as we grow older and perhaps wiser, we are closer to the epilogue.
My last birthday cake, had thirty-five candles and one for luck. I know I got them all on there, as Dovi was counting aloud as I put them in, and laughing. We all were laughing, which made my hands shake a little, so I had to straighten those candles a bit.
First I had started with the perimeter. Twenty-seven equally spaced candles fit like a picket fence. The next few went down the middle in a row, through the hastily written "happy birthday" then horizontal... "Thirty three... thirty four... thirty five... and one for luck.. thirty six", he counted. As I lit them up, I became aware that the candles now looked like the glowing cross hairs of a rifle. Adina left the room as the cake blazed and went to call Rikal who was on the computer, with instructions to tell her right when I was going to blow out the candles, because then, it would actually be time to eat the cake.
Dovi stayed put, looking anxiously at the miniature crown fire on the plate in front of me. It was quite magnificent. I blew them out speedily. Anyone who knows me, knows I have 'big lungs' or so I have been told, right before they say "shhhh".
Just like that, they were out, the fire returning back to its source like it had never been.
I pulled the candles out and they piled up on the side plate like little ribbed blue logs. They had done a good job.
I glanced at the faces of the few people in the room through the haze of dissipating smoke and smiled to myself.
These were the souls I would love for all of eternity.
My wish was lost in silent prayers for their well being.
Then we had warm, buttery cake with vanilla frosting.
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