On life

The waters of my life, look like the scales of a fish

with the light shining in little crescent moons,

a quilted pattern of glittering threads, like stars emerging

the way they do, when you take the time to truly watch them,

to truly know them.

I am not ashamed of any of my life, not at all.

None of it.

It is the truth, it is my truth,

it is exquisitely intricate

weaved like white cotton, crosshatched thread upon thread

it is as simple as a drawing,

of a friendly face, drawn in minutes

by a child, scrawled with a blue crayon

on paper beige and soft

I did my best with what I knew,

when I learnt more, I learnt how little I knew.

I paused, I blinked slowly, then I did better

Have you noticed, sometimes beautiful and sad are breathed in together,

Hope and loss too, a perpetual inhale and exhale.

I have learnt

I can only love unequivocally

Like a blade embedded in my chest with a name engraved on the handle.

I risk endless bleeding

I have learnt

I can only laugh in the way that rises like a sob,

I can only smile if it reaches my eyes

To live like this, with the tears of sheer wonder in my eyes,

is enough.