I have more of a battle with obstinate continuance. My resolve is towards tenacity, towards perseverance in and of itself. I will embark (or re-embark) on further (mis)adventures, with amplified indomitable stubbornness.
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When we arise and make changes, our motives are often scrutinized by those in our lives. It begs the question, what is the distinction between being 'true to oneself' and merely being self-indulgent?
To me, self indulgence is a contrivance, a stammering reflection in the mirror, when we are too busy applying cover up and color to meet our own eyes.
Self indulgence is repetitive, it emanates from our wounds, from our uncertainty, our shadows and fears. It seems to be a lugubrious, leaky bucket of ego, a voracious void, emptying even as it fills.
On the other hand, being true to oneself, emanates directly from the spirit. It is the smoke signals rising from the animus mountaintop, which call us to task.
It is the bass vibration undercutting every thought, every decision which tells us whom we are at our deepest core. We may temporarily be able to shut it up with cookies, with retail therapy, with alcohol, with attention, with religion, with drugs, with sex, with money, with electronic interaction, or with 'yes men' rubber-stamp validating all we do. Yet we cannot hide in sensual chaos forever.
The true self, is that part of us which makes us feel discomfort, a horrid squeak of naked shame in quiet moments when something feels 'wrong'. It is also the part of us which radiates serenity, contentment, delirium and joy, as we sync with ourselves and with those we love. It is the soul, relentlessly seeking substance, inspiration, purpose, integrity and insight to bear and brighten our mortal days.
